1. An unusual worship song in Woodlands Christian Fellowship, Bristol,: The unsuspecting congregation came across the following typo in the second verse of "Be still for the presence of the Lord"...

Be still, for the glory of the Lord
is shining all around.
He bums with holy fire,
with splendour He is crowned.



2. At another church in Bristol, : An order of service for a healing eucharist contained the following prayer...

Bless physicians and nurses, give them wisdom and skill, sympathy and patients.



3. Everyone was singing totally unsuspectingly when we came upon this...

I'll go and with a mourning voice,
fall down before his face:
Father, I've sinn'd 'gainst Heav'n and thee,
nor can deserve thy grace.

He said, and hasten'd to his home,
to seek his father's love:
that father saw him from afar,
and all his bowels move.



4. A vicar was preaching on two different Bible texts. As the congregation juggled their pew Bibles he helpfully suggested...

It might be easier if you keep a finger in both passages.





5. An enthusiastic curate was leading a service and read some banns of marriage. He was always one to encourage taking part, and said...

"If anyone knows of any reason in law why these people should not be married, that would be great."




6. A vicar was forced to destroy 400 or so service sheets for the Easter Sunday 10.00am communion. At the choir practice on the Wednesday of Holy Week it was noticed that the last hymn began with the words...

I know that my Redeemer lies."




A spellchecked service sheet contained a hymn with the couplet...

Here, O my Lord, I see thee face to face,
Her would I touch and handle things unseen.




7.Throughout a long and complex service, the Bishop had been ably chaplained by the young Succentor, juggling books, crozier, mitre, etc., and generally steering his new Bishop around the cathedral.

At the end of the service, Bishop Roy stepped forward for a few informal words of thanks to all the people who had contributed to the day...

"... And a special word of thanks to Father Nigel, who had his hand up my back, twiddling my knobs..."

Ten per cent of the congregation and 100 per cent of the choir exploded in laughter, while the remainder, including the new Bishop, merely looked bemused.