At Southwark Cathedral in the UK each year is held a service in memory of all those who donate their body parts to medical science. I was most alarmed when I attended one of these services and, according to the service sheet, was invited to stay behind at the end for a finger buffet.

When the new vicar arrived at a Midlands, UK, church in the 1980s, he was told by the church treasurer...
We don't want any of your modern worship here. We use the good old 1066 Prayer Book.

Some years ago, an induction at the now-closed St Wilfrid, Newton Heath in Manchester, included the hymn, "We have a gospel to proclaim". The hymn has a line, "Hated by those he came to save," which was misprinted as...
Dated by those he came to save.

Some years ago I was organist/choirmaster at a very high profile Sydney Anglican Church. It was Christmas Day and I had played for the midnight service and then went to a party. The next morning I had to play for services at 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 and 11am. During the sermon at the 6am service, I fell asleep, so the hymn was announced three times before the rector left the pulpit to wake me up. The hymn was...
Christians, awake, salute this happy morn!

A priest friend of mine received a cassock alb and stole back from the dry cleaners with the receipt made out for...
One lady's night gown and one gentleman's neck tie.

II was taking a funeral last week and looking at the hymn list prepared by the crematorium for minister and organist I discovered that the first hymn was to be...
All thongs bright and beautiful.

Two Sundays ago, our congregation was visited by our District Superintendent who delivered the morning sermon. In this week's announcements in the church bulletin was the following line...
I trust that all of you enjoyed the massage that Dr. Johnson gave to us last week.

This past Easter our church decided to have a special communion service. We are currently meeting in a borrowed auditorium with stadium seating. For everyone's convenience, there were two communion tables located down in the front of the room and one up at the top of the room in the back. The plan was for everyone to go to the nearest table, pray, take communion and then go sit back down.
My pastor got up to explain the process to everyone, as this is not the normal way we do communion. He explained it like this...

All of you interested in taking communion may do so as you feel led. For your convenience there are two tables here up front and one up in the rear of the room. So if you don't want to take communion down here in front, you can take it up the rear.

Needless to say, my wife and I took communion in the front of the room.


When I was in grade school, I was frequently the Crucifer on Sunday mornings. On one Sunday morning, the bulletin read...
The congregation will stand and turn to face the cross as it leaves the church singing hymn number 123.


                       MORE GAFFES!